Merry Christmas!
But what if it isn’t?
Merry Christmas!
Christmas Day of 1985 is one that I will never forget. That day had the potential to ruin Christmas for me for the rest of my life. My mother had been bed ridden for many months in the culmination of a battle with breast cancer that had lasted for more than ten years. She fought valiantly, but the cancer was winning. By this Christmas Day, the cancer had spread throughout her entire skeleton. The pain was excruciating. She had a catheter in her chest so that we could push a button and administer extra pain medicine on demand. But all the medicine pumped into her body did not bring her any relief. There were times when we stood by helplessly as she cried out in agony.
Her last few months, she did not eat at all. Her physical body had wasted away so horribly that she was unrecognizable to most. The cancer in her skull had eaten away at her brain taking away all memory of life as she had known it – including any awareness of who any of us were. I stayed with her during the day to enable daddy to go to work. I would bring her nutritional supplements to try and increase her strength, but nothing I did helped. As her brain continued to deteriorate, she began accusing me of trying to poison her. That was something she would never have done if she had any cognizance of reality left.
The battle was over.
Her body continued to waste away, and it was impossible to wish for someone to go on living in the kind of shape that she was in. I wanted her pain to stop. On this Christmas Day, we were warned by her nurses that she would not make it through the day. We called Mother’s family, her mother (her dad was already in heaven) and her siblings, and told them that this day would be her last. Thinking back, it was a testimony to the love of her family that they interrupted their own family’s Christmas celebrations to come to our house and spend mother’s last minutes with her – even though she could not recognize anyone and had no consciousness of anyone’s presence.
The nurses were correct in their prediction; Mother did not make it through that day. Her battle was over. Sometimes people ask me how I can celebrate Christmas after such a horrible experience with it. My only response is that you would have to have known my mom. You see she loved Jesus intensely. In the midst of all her pain and suffering, she affirmed her love for and commitment to Him. At her request, I would sit and read the Bible to her. She stated that no matter what happened to her, she would never forsake Him. And she never did.
All was right with the world.
Because of her close connection with Jesus, Mother loved Christmas. It was a time of year when things were especially warm, and all was right with the world. She was the heart of our family, and Christmas was always special. As children growing up, we did not have a lot of money. But that never dampened the magic that was invariably in our house on Christmas morning. Mother’s enthusiasm was enough to bring warmth and excitement to the holidays. After she was gone, our family would never be the same. So, once again, as happens so often in life, I had to choose. This time I had to choose how I would remember Christmas. Would I remember the joy and happiness that radiated from my mom to her family – not only on Christmas, but every day of the year? Or would I allow this horrible day in 1985 to ruin my memory of Christmas forever?
Choose to remember the beauty!
By God’s grace, I choose to remember Mother the way she was – full of life and love with a sparkle in her eye. And when it comes right down to it, wouldn’t Christmas be an awesome day to enter heaven? While I am aware that we do not really know the exact day of Jesus’s birth, surely heaven notices all the prayers that go up on Christmas Day, all the goodwill in unexpected places, and all the acknowledgements of Jesus arrival on earth. Maybe God took her on Christmas because she was so special that she needed a special day to arrive?
As is always the case with life, there were also very different Christmases. Two years later, in 1987, I received my daughter in December. What a special Christmas gift she was! She grew up to become my best friend and has given us two beautiful grandsons. Through the years there have been many special Christmases, my first Christmas with Tony, our first Christmas in our house together, our first Christmas with our grandson, Christmas at Disney World, Christmas in the mountains, Christmases with all the family together, and many, many more.
Keep it between the rails!
Each Christmas is unique and brings its own special memories – some with our hearts overflowing with joy, and some with our hearts aching in pain. But we must choose how we frame our memories – whether we will remember them through the lens of this temporary life on earth, or through the lens of our eternal life in heaven. The Apostle Paul stated in his letter to the Corinthians: “And if our hope in Christ is only for this life, we are more to be pitied than anyone in the world.” (1 Corinthians 15:19, NLT)
There will always be sad moments. There will always be happy moments. Sometimes it seems like the sad far outweigh the bad. But in the bad times is when it is most important that we look to Jesus, “the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)
We cannot live this life looking only at the bad things we see. The only way to stay between the guard rails is to look at the eternal kingdom that is set before us in the same way that it was set before Jesus. Our experiences, and how we choose to remember them, always have to be filtered through the filter of that heavenly kingdom. When I think about it, entering eternal life on Christmas Day is an amazing gift! Bet Mom thinks so.
Keep it between the rails, where joy and peace abide, as we journey down this road toward our eternal home. See you out there! 🙂
GUARD RAIL: Frame your memories in the light of eternity.
And if our hope in Christ is only for this life, we are more to be pitied than anyone in the world.
1 Corinthians 15:19 (NLT)
2 thoughts on “Merry Christmas! What if it’s not Merry?”
Love you mom! And so happy you made/make Christmas such an amazing season for us! Sounds like you and your mom have a lot in common 🙂 Looking forward to meeting her one day!
I’m looking forward to that meeting as well! She will love you as much as I do!