The path from hell to heaven on earth
By David Plunkett
Part 3 of 4, Thawing of the heart – the warmth of Jesus
(Read part 2 here: Frozen in Denial.)
Thawing of the heart – the warmth of Jesus
Within just a few days, I was in handcuffs yet again. When I weighed in at the county, I had lost nearly 30 lbs. in a run that only lasted 32 days! Over the years I had learned that I could always call Momma and she would save the day. Nothing seemed beyond her reach when it came to me. Well, I called her that day, and she said NO. Can you believe that???
I don’t remember what I said – but it probably wasn’t nice – and I hung up the phone. I had a staph infection on my arm, so they put me on the medical floor. That meant 23 hours a day, in a cell by myself, freezing to death. The voices in my head seemed to be the only thing louder than the echoes of my breathing from the concrete walls. I knew that reading my Bible was the ONLY chance I had at finding rest. Guess all those years of Mom’s church and Christian school were finally paying off.
God began to whisper.
I found myself in Lamentations. And for the first time in my adult life, I heard God’s voice clearly. Chapter 3 vs. 27-30 (CEV) reads like this: When we are young, it is good to struggle hard and to sit silently alone, if this is what the Lord intends. Being rubbed in the dirt can teach us a lesson; we can also learn from insults and hard knocks. Well, 23-hour solitary lock down provided plenty of silence, and I had definitely been rubbed in the dirt! I kept reading as the words seemed to lift off the page.
Verses 54-58: Water covered my head – I thought I was gone. From the bottom of the pit, [or dumpster] I prayed to you, Lord. I begged you to listen. HELP! I shouted. SAVE ME! You answered my prayer and came when I was in need. You told me, “Don’t worry!” You rescued me and saved my life.
I don’t know how more accurate those words could have been!? I was FINALLY in a position where I was willing to listen, and God began to whisper.
When Jesus met me in that cell, His love totally destroyed me!
He didn’t yell and scold me, but He did break me. He said, “Son, I know you think you’re only hurting yourself, but you need to know something. The ONLY person capable of hurting your mother more than Jimmy did IS YOU, and that’s all you’ve done for years.” I cried like a baby for days. He began to show me the things that I was responsible for and the damage I had caused. NOT to shame me, but to show me that all I had to do was own it. The minute I took ownership, I could be forgiven. The minute I was forgiven, nobody could use it to shame me ever again.
This went on for days. I had a LOT to filter through. I heard a bunch of fire and brimstone sermons growing up and that fear never fazed me. When Jesus met me in that cell, His Love totally destroyed me. He wrecked my victim mentality! He shattered my insecurities, and He gave me a new identity. I began understanding free will for the first time. That Jesus CHOSE of His own free will to die for me, even while I was still in my sin. That many of the things I had blamed him for were a result of others free will choices. And, that true love can only exist when it is chosen from a position of freedom. He gave us ALL free will. How we choose to use it, is up to us.
I copied chapters onto notebook paper.
I called my Mom and pleaded my case, but she wasn’t quite ready to buy it. I had spent years perfecting and presenting great speeches, and only time would tell if it were true. I spent 5 weeks in that solitary cell before I got moved to another floor and I used the time wisely. I read more of the Bible in those 5 weeks than I had probably ever read! I copied chapters onto notebook paper just to help it soak in.
I made a commitment, not just a 911 prayer, but a REAL commitment with God. And I told Him that I would do whatever it took to change! I told Him I was ok with whatever He decided I needed. I would be happy to die now, go to prison, back to rehab, or just ride out my life in the county jail. I didn’t care, as long as it worked. And I meant it!
Locked up through a white Christmas
After leaving me locked up through one white Christmas and one birthday, Mom did get me out. She dropped me off at The Center of Hope and told me not to call unless I had something positive to say. Not to blow the 20 dollars she gave me on cigarettes cause that’s ALL I was getting. And that I could come home if I earned my passes, but that they were NOT coming to visit. I knew she meant it, but I don’t think I believed she would stick to it. Well, she did. They only visited twice, Thanksgiving and graduation.
The Center is no greater than any other program I had attended, but I was a new man. We know according to 2 Cor 5:17, I was a new creation. And everything was definitely new! For the first time, I allowed God and the program to work me rather than me “working over” the program. I learned how to stand on my own 2 feet for the first time. I wasn’t following any crowd, or any woman and I was learning to cope with prayer and hard work rather than porn and needles.
Ecclesiastes 2:24 (NLT) says, “So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God.” I was built to work with my hands, and I loved it! For months I worked for nothing more than to cover my stay, and I was happy to do it!
This man CHOSE to love me!
Tony, the man I now call my Dad and whose name I carry by adoption, had become more of a Father to me than Jimmy ever had. Every time they bailed me out, he would promise to meet me on the sidewalk leading to their front door, and knock me flat on my back, but I was always greeted with love instead.
Romans 8:15 (NLT) says: So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” I felt my Mom had to love me, but this man CHOSE to love me, even with all I put him through.
Kinda reminds you of a similar choice that Jesus made. Both Tony and my Grandfather gave me examples of earthly fathers that helped me understand God as my Father. Tony had pointed out my co-dependency several times over the years and told me that I would never be able to be anything to anybody until I allowed God to complete me by myself. With his advice and God as my center, I began building my first real identity in Christ. I needed every ounce of that identity to face what came next.
(Continued in Part 4)
GUARD RAIL: God always hears your cry for help, no matter where you are, or what circumstances you are in. But you must cry out!
Water covered my head – I thought I was gone. From the bottom of the pit, I prayed to you, Lord. I begged you to listen. “Help!” I shouted. “Save me!” You answered my prayer and came when I was in need. You told me, “Don’t worry!” You rescued me and saved my life.
Lamentations 3: 54-58 (CEV)