The path from hell to heaven on earth
By David Plunkett
Part 1, Approaching my choices
Approaching my choices.
“He comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT)
This has been my heart for the past 11 years. I live my life like an open book. I have no secrets. If there is anything from my life that helps even one person find the hope that I have found in Jesus, then not only do I want them to have it, but it also reminds me that it was worth everything I’ve gone through.
Before I get into my story, I want each of you to think about this…..
The most elite groups of the military (Navy Seals, Rangers, or Black ops teams) must complete much more rigorous training than anyone else. They are tested on every level and pushed way beyond where they thought their breaking point would be. Then, they are put in situations that surpass even their most difficult training sessions, and they shine!
I was in church every time the doors were open.
I don’t want to get bogged down by simply feeding you a list of my mistakes, but I do want to give you an understanding of how I got to where I was and just how far Jesus has brought me. I was born into a world where manipulation was key to my survival, or so I thought. My mother is, and was, a God-fearing woman. She has played piano in church for as long as I can remember, and made sure that both she and I were there every time the doors were open. Three services a week plus every rehearsal, practice, volunteer day, or dinner on the grounds that you can imagine. She also made sure that I attended private school with a Bible based curriculum.
My biological father, Jimmy, was polar opposite! Well, most of the time. He was a full-blown alcoholic who spent most of his free time in bars, back rooms, or strip clubs and never went to work without a 12 pack on ice.
While he never hit me, he had no problem bouncing my mother off of the wall which separated our bedrooms. We lived in a trailer, so the sound of his threats and her screams was clear as a bell. Many times, we spent the night in her car on a dirt road in the woods or at a church member’s house who was willing to hide us. This was most common in the summer, but the winter sometimes offered something a little different. He would sober up, sometimes for weeks, sometimes just long enough to get the beer off his breath, put on a suit, come to church, smoke with the deacons, pass the plate, and the world seemed to make sense. But summer was always just around the corner.
We follow our focus.
By the age of 10, I had learned to fit in perfectly with both the church crowd, and whomever and whatever filled the back rooms.
The bond that I built with my mother seemed stronger than steel, and I hated how Jimmy treated her. Most of the time I hated him, but something in me still longed for his approval. My mother finally left Jimmy just before I turned 11. I felt a sense of security for the first time, but I also missed the man I thought I hated. How can this be!?!?
Now here I want to make a point. You will always follow your focus. The Bible tells us to set our eyes on things above. (Colossians 3:2) To look neither to the left nor the right. (Deuteronomy 5:32) I had spent so much time focusing on what I hated – the hypocrisy, the abuse, the addiction, and the lack of relationship from my father, so much so that I had unknowingly paved a clear path to follow. As soon as I knew my Mom was safe, and at her house when I visited him, I was free to begin my explorations. The real manipulation could begin. I could pour on the private school, church going, mama’s boy charm, and I could smile when my old man handed me a dollar bill and told me to tip the lady.
The trouble with manipulation is, when you think you’re fooling everyone else, the only one truly fooled is you. I had no idea who I really was. By definition, I was whatever or whoever I was surrounded by. This created an insatiable black hole of insignificance inside me just begging for something to fill it. Sure, I could smoke and drink when I was with him, but I had nothing to run to at Mom’s house. Mom’s house was filled with love and Jesus, but Jesus had never done anything to save my Mom from Jimmy, RIGHT !?!? So I had no real use for Him. By now, we had moved in with my Grandfather. But Jesus let my Grandmother die, so there’s another strike against him. My Grandmother had been my Whole World! My mom and my grandfather really loved this Jesus guy. I tried to as well, but I just couldn’t make it make sense.
I ran away from a loving home to live with an abusive alcoholic.
On one of my weekend trips to Jimmy’s, I found a porn collection that I had never seen. I was hooked! Full blown porn addiction and all that goes with it. I would sneak it, along with some smokes and occasionally a little alcohol, back to Mom’s and inevitably she would find it. She just kept on throwing all my stuff away! Now I knew my mom talked to God or whatever, but I swear this woman had a bat phone to the throne room. No matter how well I hid it, how much pickle juice and mouthwash I drank to cover the smell, or how many incredible lies I told to get out of it, I was ALWAYS busted!
My newfound cures for the emptiness inside me began to drive a wedge in my relationship with my mother. I was convinced she wanted me to be miserable, so I plotted myself a way out. I ran away to Jimmy’s house. He didn’t really want me any more now than he had before, but he allowed it. My mother didn’t approve but she also allowed it as long as I attended my little private school as I should. So, I actually ran away from a caring, loving home to live with an abusive alcoholic. I’m pretty smart, right! Amazing what focus, and need of approval, will make you do!
A couple of years passed, and my addictions grew stronger. Apparently, Jimmy’s did as well because he decided suicide was the answer for him. I had just started dating what is now my ex-wife. With a whole new level of emptiness to fill, and living back at Mom’s where it was so difficult to build a porn collection, I thought HEY, sex might just do the trick. It did. I sold my soul and any values I had left to become whatever this woman wanted me to be. After a couple of years hiding and running away together, we wanted to get married. Because that always makes a bad relationship, based on nothing but sex and co-dependency, better, Right?
I was better than him, right??
I dropped out of high school, with a near perfect grade average, right at my 18th birthday and we were wed. The first few years went fairly smoothly. No church stuff to bother with and drinking all I wanted, all my personal goals and dreams became a thing of the past. All I cared about was her! I am not saying it was her intention, but I gave up everyone and everything except her and alcohol. As long as I did what she wanted, things went smoothly. We decided to have a baby, and my son was born when I was 20. The truth of all of it set in and I just drank more to cope. I had an accident at work and found a new vice from the doctor. Pain pills were even better than alcohol. By now I had a temper all my own. I NEVER put my hands on my wife, but walls and windows didn’t stand a chance. I could play the victim card about Jimmy and fly right on through. My FOCUS was playing out, and I had no clue.
I was better than him…..RIGHT??
GUARD RAIL: Remember that you will always follow your focus.
“Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.”
Colossians 3:2 (NLT)